Fathers...

So early this morning in the semi-nocturnal world that I inhabit I had all these ideas buzzing around my head about my next blog. I had these ideas flowing about this and that and the creole catfish that I made for supper last night.

Then around lunchtime today my world flipped upside down for reasons that I am still trying to grasp eight or nine hours later. At about 130 this afternoon I was shaking like a palm tree in a class 5 hurricane. If James Bond wanted a martini, it would be have been shaken to the nth degree and not stirred. LOL.

Anyways let's back this up somewhat and give a little bit of history to help explain things. Maybe it will, maybe it won't.

A week or so ago my sister forwarded an email to me from friends of my Dad that had some pictures of him taken way back in 1960 maybe 1961. I've used some of them for this blog. It triggered memories for me. Some pleasant. Some not so pleasant. Lots of hazy stuff.

Let's face it these pictures were taken a year or two before I was born. So these wouldn't be my memories but at the same time this triggered these faint rememberances that I had of my Dad that was only part of my life for 7 years.

As some may know and some may not know, my Dad had some personal issues and in late September 1969, two weeks or so before he would turn 33 he took his life. I was 7 and 1/2 years old at which point a journey began for me where I was looking, seeking, searching for something to complete me. To help me understand my "Schlewingness". LOL. New word there.

My Mom did her best to raise and bring me and my siblings up at first on her own and then afterwards with the help of a decent man. When you lose a parent regardless of the age you are in your life; challenges arise. I lost my Mom in 2002 and that was different and in many ways incredibly hard to deal with as she was an integral part of my life for 40 years. The impact of her passing was huge on me. For months little things would conjure up sadness. Eventually we heal and in my case happy thoughts and memories were the first things that came to mind instead of sadness.

As I said I lost my Dad young and in many ways I am his spitting image except that I am on the heavier side than he was. I have his height. His bad vision. His skinny legs. His way of carrying himself. I have his first name as my middle name which I passed on to my son as well because it's as if it continues the paternal line so to speak.

My loss helped me become the father that I have tried to find or replace all of my life. Sometimes, most times I think I did or am doing a phenomenal job and other times I've no clue.

Anyways fast forward to today April 19th, 2012 when I thought I made an innocuous and precise observation to my son which led us to have a huge blow-up which I am still trying to understand.

What gets me wondering is that regardless of the big thing that occurred today is that from the day that I cut his umbilical cord over 20 odd years ago, I have been there for the young man. I have made some mistakes and have admitted to them and will continue to make mistakes but damn it I've been there.

I make mistakes. Good things happen. Bad things happen. Sometimes I deal with things correctly. Sometimes wisdom that I have accumulated over the years comes to the forefront. Sometimes irrational anger and emotions take over.

I never said I was perfect. I know I am not perfect. You don't become a parent for the glory. You take pride in your child or in your children. You try to do the right thing. At least I try to do the right thing. You try to set a good example. You want your child not to make the mistakes that you made. They make mistakes it's a part of life. That's how we learn. You don't learn from success. You learn when you eff things up on a grand scale. You learn from pain. Well you're supposed to. LOL. Some people would rather be miserable and not learn at all. That is not me. Someone wise once said that repeating the same behaviour and expecting different results is insanity. Well I try to be sane. LOL. I find that amusing for some reason.

Where am I going here with all this typing? All I have ever wanted is respect. You want to be, I want to be recognized in a certain manner that "hey Marc you did the right thing". You want to hear that you're a good person. You don't want to be treated like the last 20 years have been some effing illusion and all for naught. Damn. I don't sleep most nights because I hurt or I fear yet I get up every day and I try to do good and I try to be better. For all that I don't do well I want learn to do better but at the same time for all that I do well, I in a small way want to be respected even if it is in silence.

LOL. I think that this one of those blogs that is not going on be here for very long. It helped though I typed it. I thought it out. It brings some clarity. I can try to get some sleep now.

Almost There

Well it's about 11pm or as us Canadians say "it's a boot 11." People say I sometimes pronounce it a boot. Honestly I don't think I so. I know there are words that I pronounce differently but that isn't one of them. Now if you said the word garage that I would buy hook line and sinker. I pronounce it as gaa-raj as opposed to gaw-rodge like they do here. I'm 50 I am way too old to change the way I speak. It's bad enough that people have caught me saying y'all. That is so effing wrong coming out of my mouth. Smack me down if you catch me saying that.

Okay I didn't park myself in front of my desktop to wax philosophically on how I pronounce words. It's just what I typed. I babble and I babble well. Sadly I haven't figured out a way how to make money babbling yet. There's hope yet.

I was up way early this morning all stressed about work. I slept in fits and starts and was at work before 730am which is not effing normal for me. H was over at his buddy's place last night so I didn't have GTech chauffeur duties this morning so "I hopped on the bus Gus, Made a new plan Stan" and headed into work early to try to get a step up on my many,many tasks that I am behind on. I actually felt like I made headway today. I may be delusional though. Ha!

By mid-day I was yawning away. My body clock is an effing mess. I picked H up at GTech after work. Came home. Turned on the ballgame at 7pm and promptly napped for an hour. The cat woke me up. She's normally not too vocal but H had the door closed to what I call his game room where her food and litter is and she wanted in so she started meowing. It was annoying and it woke me up! Just as well because I had stuff to do. I had the chance to catch up on some work emails. I had fallen behind after spending a couple of hours in meetings earlier today.

Good thing strike that great thing is that tomorrow is Friday.Yay for Friday. Hopefully it will warm up a bit for Main Street Friday. There's a good band playing tomorrow night. I think I saw them last year. Then again I don't remember what shirt I wore to work on Wednesday so I could be wrong. LOL. I'm laughing as I am probably wrong.

That's it for now. As the Austrian Oak has said in the past, "I'll be back."

Ah Baseball

Ah the beginning of a new MLB season where hope springs eternal that my team (the Washington Nationals) will do all of the little things correctly and make September a month for me to think that they have a chance. With some of the changes they made over the off-season, I will paraphrase the Godfather of Soul and state that "I feel good." So good, so good. LOL. I'm actually singing the words.

Anyways here are some of my quick thoughts on the season so far in no particular order except to note that this is how it is coming to my keyboard as I hunt and peck.

Firstly I am super impressed with Jamie Moyer's return to the major leagues after being away for over 600 days. This after Tommy John surgery and after turning 49 years old this past November. Most guys his age are practicing right arm curls with a bottle of beer rather than figuring out ways to get players out on the Astros that weren't even born when he started pitching in the majors.I read that he has 8 children. Maybe that's why he still needs to pitch. Can you imagine in this age having 8 kids? Wow. The patience of Job is required no doubt. Remarkable story.

One thing I have noticed in our instant gratification society that we live in today is how quickly we turn nasty. Most teams have played two or three games and if you read some of the comments on different websites about team play or certain individual's play, it's a sad commentary on how we quickly the knives come out.

If you're a Braves fan or Red Sox fan, a lot of them are already losing coherent thought and respect for others. I mean it's only game three of the season. Geez Louise. Someone has to lose a game. You lose 1-0 to 10-0, it's a loss either way. They're already calling for the heads of Gonzales and Valentine. Ridiculous fairweather fans that have no idea what they are talking about.

The Tigers with Cabrera and Fielder in the 3rd and 4th spots look scary. I saw the game yesterday afternoon and they both hit a couple of jacks. You don't have to be slim jims when you hit 'em as far as they do. They make hitting look easy. Josh Beckett looked he had batting practice stuff against those guys yesterday.

Have to feel bad for the Cleveland Indians. They've played a 16-inning game and a 12-inning game and came up short both times agaisnt the Blue Jays. Tough way to start a season. At least they had a day-off between games. It's weird starting the season on a Thursday and then having a Friday off.

Back to my Nationals now. Big difference with the team this year is they seem to have an abundance of major league players. Be it in the starting rotation. The bullpen. The bench. They are a lot more solid this year than last year. Good to see Chad Tracy come up big in the first two games. Davey Johnson is going to have some tough decisions to make when Ankiel and Morse are ready to come off the DL. Lidge and Rodriguez are making us forget that Storen will be back real soon. Clippard and his funky glasses has started right where he left off last year.

I think it will be a fun year for my Nationals.

Sunday Morning Coffee Thoughts...

Is there anything better than the smell of fresh brewed coffee? I just came back from dropping H at work and came back into the house just as the coffee I prepared a few minutes ago had just finished brewing. It was a welcoming aroma as I walked in the door and had to avoid Jynx/Jinx who parked herself next to the door leading to the garage. I think she thinks of herself as a guard cat. The thing is that the only way that she will scare people away is when she embarks on one her sneezing jags when she sneezes twenty or thirty times in a row. It's something to see.

Wow coffee number one is gone already. I needed it to warm me up I guess. It is colder out there than I expected especially when my skinny legs met up with cooler temps out there than I thought would be.

Last night I grilled some chicken and veggies using a real simple recipe. A little bit of sea salt, cracked black pepper and vegetable oil to season the chicken along with a couple of green peppers sliced up along with a red onion. I finally bought one of those grill things for veggies. Hmmmm. I know it isn't called a grill thing. It isn't called a basket though that would be a good descriptor for it. Nevertheless you chop veggies in strips, add a little oil drop in the grill thingee and the put on grill and presto fresh veggies. LOL.

I went to Walmart yesterday. Gawd I hate that store but I needed several things for the house and I didn't feel like going to different stores to get them. This is what basket looked like when I was at the register. I had the grill thingee, gas can for the lawn mower, a package of swai fillets, coffee and a mixed case of Mexican beer. The young lady at the register asked me for identication for the beer purchase. It's like oh goodness gracious nevermind. I've been down that road before. Suffice to say that I am 50 yrs. old and I don't look under 21. They have sign there reserving the right to question those up to 40 if they may look under 21. I'm sorry that policy is effing insane. Okay I guess vented. LOL. I can't help it.

Last thing on the grocery order. Those swai fillets. I have no idea what swai is but it was attractively priced so I figured I can try it and if I don't like I will toss the rest out. I just googled it. It is a form of catfish. Typically the cheaper variety comes from Southeast Asia. I guess that's what I bought. Going to look for a recipe for it this week and see what happens.

Okay that's it for now. Typing about food has made me hungry for breakfast. Time to eat a bit.

Middle Of The Week Day Off

So I had the day off today to make up for switching a day last week that really didn't go well with it being a month-end. I can't say that I was very productive at all today. Basically I read a bit. I watched some MLB.TV. I had a bunch of naps. I have had a sleep deficit going for the last year or so. I just can't get through full nights of sleep. Way too many stressful things. Self-inflicted I may add.

Anyways I am about to broil some bone-in chicken breasts with a recipe I found on AllRecipes.com. My neighborhood Food Lion had a great dealing going on this type of chicken breast and it was too good to pass up. This recipe seems a little simple with only the ingredients to season the chicken being a little olive oil, kosher salt and black pepper. I'll have to let you know how it turns out.

Next on the agenda is doing some laundry and hopefully if it stops raining I am heading outside to pull some weeds.

I know this is a short blog. Just getting back into the swing of things here.

Spring Cleaning Of Sorts

Since getting up early this morning to bring H to work, I figured that I should start cleaning up around the house. Kind of a spring cleaning of sorts. Now in Schlewing's World there tends to be some dilly-dallying as I go about cleaning. The number one rule is that I have to music on while I am doing this. So I got the 70s station on Music Choice going since about 8am or so. Brewed some fresh coffee and then quickly wrote some thoughts on that phenomenal Dire Straits song.

Since then I've sorted through the piles of newspapers in the dining room and did triage to get the crosswords out before scrapping the rest. I then emptied and refilled the dishwasher and will need to empty it out in a little bit. I did the pots and pans in the sink using some dollar store dishwashing liquid. I should really test out the quality of the cheap liquid vis-a-vis the national brands. It seems to me that the soap suds last 5 minutes at best with the cheap stuff and then I feel that I am washing in grease water. Ugh that is a disturbing vision. Not quite as bad of a vision as one of a naked Republican male though. Ha!

Okay back to the topic at hand Schliv. I then started on a load of laundry. Whites needed to be done. I then headed outside to my deck to sweep it off good. In the last week my deck has been attacked by green fluffy polleny stuff. I am not even sure where it comes from. All I know is that there is lots floating around. This is the stuff that ends up on cars in the Upstate in the month of April. That's when pretty much any vehicle that is outside for part of the day gets this lovely green film of pollen all over it. So I finished that and then decide to start pulling more weeds that are on what passes for my lawn on the left side of the house. I have this patch of what used to be mostly grass about 6-8 feet wide to 20 feet long that has been taken over by weeds. I just filled about 3/4 of a 13 gallon garbage bag with this stuff. Yuck. This is the 3rd bag I have done since a couple weekends ago. I can actually see the end of this task. I just decided to take a break as my glasses were getting fogged up from the sweat dripping off the top of my head. I need to lose weight. It's getting critical. I decided to take a break and reward my hard work with a Samuel Adams "Mighty Oak Ale". Good tasting beer. Okay I think my break is up. I still have lots to do around the house. No more dilly dallying and typing. LOL. Well for now.

Dire Straits

At about 750 this morning I was bringing H to work and the song that was playing on the CD player in the car was Dire Straits "Brothers In Arms". Over 25 years after its' initial release in 1985, the simple beauty and power of this song makes me want stop everything that I am doing. I just want to sit in a dark room, with a good stereo or headphones on with my eyes closed and just allow the beauty of the song to envelop me. A truly amazing song among many that Mark Knopfler has written and played.

Small Guilty Pleasure

So I am awake in the middle of the night for a change. It's about 340am and 59f in Simpsonville. There's a time and weather check for you. LOL. I have CHOM playing in the background and Mr. Plant is singing that "I really oughta know". What a pretty song "Over The Hills And Faraway"!

Anyways I went for my monthly massage yesterday afternoon at Massage Envy and pretty much screwed up all the good that Becky did by falling asleep on the couch watching MLB. I need to stop doing that. LOL. That is a like a tiger changing his or her stripes. Not bloody likely.

As it was decent outside I decided to head to the westside of town and drop in at The Liberty Tap Room for one of my guilty pleasures. I sat down on the terrace ordered a Fat Tire draft and out came the daily crossword. It had been since last summer since I last had their "Roasted Chicken Nachos". This is yummy conconction of tortilla chips, roasted chicken, queso, pico de gallo, jalapenos, lettuce and sour cream. I love it and quickly devoured it along with a 2nd Fat Tire.

I would have put a picture of roasted chicken nachos but I couldn't find a good picture that would do justice to the dish I had this afternoon so I put up the Fat Tire pic. LOL.

All in all it was nice way to spend an afternoon. A massage, a couple drafts and a guilty pleasure.