I Wonder Sometimes...

Okay this is going to be a weird one I think. It's a bit of a reflection of where I am at today.

In about about five months I will hit one of the milestone birthdays. Often when I hit one of these I look back and reflect on things accomplished, opportunities missed and goals yet to be attained. This doesn't necessarily mean some huge thing that I need to accomplish. It may just be something that I need to do to make my life easier.

So today healthwise I have issues. I think many of them are the result of leading a rather sedentary lifestyle in my 30s and 40s. It sure didn't help that I smoked for thirty years. My goodness that is a long time to have such a terrible habit. Glad that I stopped a year and a half ago. My goal between now and year-end is to try to develop some positive trends in my lifestyle. Eat better. Exercise. See a doctor about a couple of things.

Workwise I need to manage my time better. I tend to lose focus and run from one thing to another. I have to prioritize better.

Financially I have to face up to some poor choices I made. I have to right the ship somewhat. I have to remember to spend what I have now and not spend what I will have tomorrow. Pretty much means live within the boundaries of the salary that I bring in. After all I have to set an example in this regard for Harrison to at least see. There will be a financial crunch in the next couple of years. He needs a car and he is going to need more money for Clemson. The free ride at Tech is about to end.

As for myself and my psychological or spiritual well-being. I want to better myself. I want to feel and know that deep within that I am who I am. That the person that I show to the outside world is a person that is beyond reproach. A man of character. A person that has nothing, absolutely nothing to hide to anyone. A person who can be counted on but not a person that is gullible or naive or can be taken advantage of by others. I have to be able to look in the mirror on a daily basis and know that on this day, that day, that future day that I did the right thing. That on that day there is nothing that I did that could have hurt someone's feelings, pride and well-being. This means reflecting on what happened on each and every day. Sometimes that means looking at something from the viewpoint of the other person.

This being said the only way that things will improve, be better and more serene is if I am surrounded by people that try to be this way as well. If a person isn't this way; they can't be a part of my life. I don't want to be afraid anymore!!!